Show & Tell, Version 4.01

"Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger." (Franklin P. Jones)

Just this morning, I overheard part of a speaker-phone conversation between my wife and a dear friend. She was explaining to Tracy that, "John reminds me a lot of my son. They're really not strange, but they do have a funny view of the world."

These days, that amounts to a compliment in my book. No doubt, my odd angle on the world gets knocked a little off-balance by some of the funny people I meet in this business. But which came first? I think the two feed off each other. Maybe that explains why I enjoy their slightly off-kilter questions and comments more than I probably should.

Once again for 2010, we present some of the things people said in our booth during the past summer and fall. Enjoy...

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"My brother is a really good photographer -- nothing like you."  Um, thank you.


"You drew it with crayons?"

"Do you teach?"  I like to mentor young photographers, I answer. "What about a couple of dumb adults?"  Perfect!

"You take these pictures yourself?"  I do. "That must be a fun hobby."  Yep, you have no idea how much fun I'm having right now.

"Do you have any portraits? You have such a unique way with animals, I want to see what you do with people."  I repeat, I am not responsible for the ban on experimenting with live humans.

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"This is the best 'biology degree at work' I've ever seen."  Why, thank you. Would you like fries with that?



"Man, I'd be happy if that was the
only picture I took my whole life."

"I'm a photographer, too. You're good. I like the way your mind works."  It works, it just refuses to stick to anything resembling a schedule.

"Now when my kids come visit, they ask me, 'Did you get any new John Ashleys?'"  Shhhhh.  Don't give my wife any ideas.

"Wow. Yours is the first photography booth at this show that doesn't look just like all the others. What do they do, go to art-dot-com and print off the same images?"  Couldn't have said it better myself.

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"That's what I love about Montana -- it's like driving into a photograph everywhere you go. It's not like Oregon, Oregon is gross."  I'll have to disagree -- I like Oregon. Go Ducks!

"That's weird. Did you do that underwater?"

"Do these come from photographs?"  Why yes, and that's where they end up, too.

"So, do you have a pelican yet?"  He asks me the same question every time, year after year. Sort of like "Groundhog Day" meets "Waiting for Gudot." Apparently, I'm really just a working class rodent stuck in this absurdest play.

"What are these? Are they photos, or are they art?"  Hmmm. I guess that you'd be the judge of that.
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"How does your mind think of these things? I don't get it"  [Many Moons Ago].  I'm a professional. Don't try this thinking stuff at home.


"How does your mind think of these things?"

 "This is my favorite booth!" he exclaims, then whispers, "in the whole show!"  I'm a little hard of hearing. Can you repeat that a little louder, and face the crowd when you speak?

"Did you just die when you took some of these?"  Give me a minute. Let's see. Hmmm. No. No, I think I survived. Yes. YES! I SURVIVED! (Free tip: theatrics works well in certain retail settings. Other times, not so much.)

"Boy, the photographers just keep getting better and better every booth." Okay, no need to go any farther now.

"There's a lot of nature photographers here, but your's is a step above."  So, can I hire you to handle publicity?

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"Where'd you get that volcano?"

 "Where'd you get that volcano? Is that Iceland?" Actually, that's the milky way, as seen from Montana. But they have a similar one in Iceland.

"It's a lot of work to paint something like that."  Yes, I guess it would be. And these photographs were a lot of work, too.


"Did you really see this?"  Well, technically speaking, the viewfinder went black for 1/500th of a second just at the peak moment. It's so frustrating... [Eagle Talons]

"Is that moon really there?"  Yes it is, and they really landed on it, too, but some grumpy people just don't want to believe anything these days.

"I'm so glad you showed me that [three nights of 'Huckleberry Moon"]. I called, 'Bullshit,' when I first saw the photo. I was sure it was done with photoshop."  And I'm so glad you're no longer grumpy. Happy to help.

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"I don't care how depressed you are. Looking at that photo [Peaceful Lamb] would have to make you smile."  Mission accomplished.


"You combined your creative eye
with your heart.  I love that!"

"That's a handsome Raven. They usually look like buzzards."

"From a distance that looks like a unicorn" [Dancer, top photo].  Yeh, that's what they look like when they shed their horn in winter. I'm a biologist by training, ya' know. Want me to check your vision?

"That is so cute! I love it!"  So there's cute, and then there's beyond cute?

"You've got it! You capture that moment that we all want to stare at." Yeh, just don't inquire about my thousands of outtakes...

"John, you must be a man of immense patience, because without it you'd never get these."  I get this comment a lot from people who have tried to photograph wild animals...

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"I thought it was
some kind of eyeball."

"Did you really catch them jumping out of the tree?"  she asked. I replied, "Well to be perfectly honest with you, I photographed them jumping out of the tree [Leap of Faith], but I just let 'em hit the ground." (Tracy was out of the booth at the time.)

"This will be perfect for my clients."  One of several customers who turn out to be psychiatrists...

"I can't even wrap my head around that picture"  [Many Moons Ago].  Do you recognize that guy that just left?

"Your work is just beautiful. I wish I was rich,"  she tells me. I'm ready for this one. "Here's my card. Let us know when you win the lottery."
                                                                              
And finally, the most insightful question I heard this fall. "Do you feel like you're on display?"

Why yes, yes I do. Especially when I'm not talking. But it's almost Winter Solstice, and now this display is temporarily off duty until spring. I need to lug a camera and tripod around in the desert moonlight to get my head screwed on sideways again.

Happy holidays, all.





Show & Tell, Version 3.01

"Art is making something out of nothing and selling it." (Frank Zappa)

Eleven art shows in 12 weeks. Three states and 8,387 miles. Four record-setting shows (sales-wise) and only one real stinker. Phewww!

But how can it be September? Last thing I remember, it was early June and I was packing the truck for our first summer show. I've been driving for three months, stretching canvas 'till 2 AM, and framing an endless line of prints.

It's a good thing we have such interesting customers to keep us entertained on our journeys. When perfect strangers walk into our booth and take in my photographs, Tracy and I just never know what might come out of their mouths (summer samples below).  My scattershot responses often catch them off guard, as well.

So, what did we do on our first weekend off all summer? We gathered friends, climbed a mountain to pick huckleberries, and then trundled off to the pub for a greasy dinner and a chance to catch up on a summer's worth of gossip. It was a good start for our return to normalcy -- whatever normal may be.

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"It looks like somebody's brain at a Grateful Dead concert," he tells me, pointing at 'Gossamer Wings.' Sorta' makes me wonder about the stories he might share after a couple of beers.
     
                       
                         
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"These are spectacular. Keep taking pictures." (Argghh. Don't you read my blog? I don't 'take pictures,' I create photographs.)

"Now," he asks seriously, "are these pictures taken with a 'real' camera?" Oh, the directions I could run with this one -- if only Tracy wasn't listening in...

"I go to a lot of art shows and I see a lot of photographers. I usually think, 'I can do better than that.' But not you. You're good." Wow. How's a simple country boy supposed to respond to such a compliment?

"Now, do you do the photography and the painting, too?" Yes, I tell him. I don't even try to explain the concept of light painting to him.

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She's staring at 'First Light.' "I want to cry, that's so beautiful! That's exactly what it looks like." Finally, someone who's seen what I see. I meet so many people who have never seen the red rocks of Lake McDonald, or the colors in the Milkyway, or even the path of the full moon.
 
"These are fabulous!" another woman declares after buying a print of 'First Light' and two others. "No," she corrects herself, "they're better than fabulous!" Happy to be of service. Tell your friends...



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"These are more than photographs," she struggles for words, "you capture a feeling." Hmmm. That's a good thing, right?

"You have the best photography. It's just so much more intimate than the others." Maybe that explains why I blush so easily...

"I like to see animals when they're happy." I like to see customers when they're happy.

She's decked out in beads and tie-dye. "What do you do, give the animals Valium when you photograph them? They're all smiling." What a coincidence. She's smiling so much more than the other customers...

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"There's a horse with a Buddha eye."
There's a person with a colorful imagination!

"What is that?" asks 5-yr-old girl. I tell her, it's a horse's eye. She looks at me, puzzled, "I didn't know horses had that color mascara."



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"Did you take lessons?" the couple inquires. "My brother-in-law says he's gonna' buy a camera and do this. I told him to take some photography lessons, but he said that cameras these days do everything for you."  Go ahead, I laugh to myself, make me look good.

"Thank you," he says in earnest. "I want to shake the hand of a patient man." Just don't ask me to babysit, I reply.

"I gotta' get a trout photo -- so I know my enemy." Sounds like maybe he's lost more battles than he's won.

                         ****************************************************************

That one's a moonbow,

I tell him.

He points to the canvas

hanging next to it,

"So that one's a duck-bow?"

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"Your photography really stands out from the others," she explains. "Take that mountain over there" (points to booth across from me). "You see it in different seasons but it's the same thing over and over again. Your pictures are different. They say something." Comments like this usually leave me muttering, blushing, and staring at my feet.

He asks in all seriousness, "So, you worked for National Geographic?" Comments like this just leave me laughing out loud...

"You really capture the fur and feathers -- they're touchable." That's because I'm the rare 'Montana Zen Hunter,' a pacifist blend of Raven and Coyote... (Hmm, that sounds like a roasted coffee bean mix.)

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"It's raining ducks!" she tells her mom.

"She'll love it," she declares after buying a print for a friend. "Her cats will probably sit under it all day."

"That mom has it figured out. That's what I need to do," she explains while making pushing motions with her hands.

"Yeah," he tells her, "but they don't show the rest of the picture. An eagle comes and eats them." Steady there, John. Bite your tongue. You were once a teenage male, too.

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"I'm a photographer and I don't normally buy other people's work, but your photos are phenomenal." Not only was he complimentary, but he also bought two prints.

"Where do you find these?" Well, they're everywhere. You just have to learn how to see them...

She points at 'Peaceful Lamb' and tells her husband, "Every time you order rack of lamb, I'm going to show you this picture."

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"I've seen that one before. That's from Hubble (the space telescope)," he tells me matter-of-factly. Uh, no, actually I was on planet Earth when I created that photo. "You took that?" Yes.

"That's a real photo?" Yes. "Wow..."

My thoughts exactly, but for different reasons...

             

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"This is above and beyond what you normally see (at art shows)" Flattery will get you places.
 
"I'm enjoying your paintings." Don't even go there, John...

"I like your photography," she says. And I like your taste in art, I shoot back. Tracy rolls her eyes -- did he really say that?

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Show & Tell, Version 2.01

"Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater." (Gail Godwin)

All of you good, intelligent people with cameras out there, I hope that you appreciate my ongoing educational efforts on your behalf. At arts and crafts shows, I try my best to explain to the public what it is that we do with our cameras. Most of these people are pretty sharp, and some of them are pretty funny, but some need a considerable amount of educating.

This is where I come in.

For some reason, dazed people are drawn to my imagery -- sorta' like lemmings to a cliff. I take their hits so you won't have to. This spring I've been shovelling the shi, stuff pretty deep during our shows. Hopefully, you will find an educated and appreciative audience when you show your photographs.

Call it public service. You're welcome. I think.

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"Are these real?" she asks in total seriousness. I immediately reply, "No, they're fake." Then in a low, quiet voice I tell her, "It's all in your imagination." (This is why Tracy doesn't like for me to do shows alone.)

"How'd you get that one duck to turn around?" he asks. I say without hesitation,
"I didn't. I made all the rest of them turn around." (I never know what will come out of my mouth until it's too late.)

"Are all these photos hand-taken?" she inquires. Okay photographers, 'fess up. Which one of you out there is photographing with your feet? Well stop it! You're making the rest of us look old fashioned.

I point out that her favorites are all photos of baby ducks. "I think it's a maternal thing," I tell her with my professor voice. "I think you're right," she says in surprise. "You're better than Freud."

"That's a wierd picture of the duck," she admonishes me. (Actually it's a grebe, not a duck, and most people think it's funny, not wierd.) I just bite my tongue and smile sweetly -- Tracy would be so proud.

"It's alright now. You know ya' can't please everyone so ya' got to please yourself."  
The background music is playing Ricky Nelson's "Garden Party." Suddenly I realize that Ricky is reaching out to me from 1972!

"I could sneak off into the woods with my camera and never get any shots like these."
Me too. That's why they invented planning and practice and research.

"Oh, I love that dragonfly," she motions for her friend to look. But her friend turns away, "Don't show me. I already mortgaged the house."

Tracy says, "My husband is the photographer." The customer responds, "And are you the artist?" So the next time Tracy says, "My husband's the artist." The customer asks, "Are you the photographer?" Some people are sneaky that way, always probing for a crack.

Tracy turns over a matted print to show my bio and mug shot to a lady customer. "He's cute," the customer says. "You should keep him hidden." (My favorite comment! Hey, wait a minute. Is that why we moved to the end of the road?)

"Your photos rock!" But I just want them to roll out of here.

"I just love talking to you," a repeat customer tells me. "It's so..." "Educational?" I offer. "Astronomical!" she declares.

"I have this hanging in my livingroom, and I never tire of it." she kindly tells me. "I saw it from 40 feet away and knew I just had to have it. Thank you for your art, it's just beautiful." You're welcome, and thank you for your good taste.

I explain how my image, "Many Moons Ago," shows the moonset on five consecutive nights, requiring almost a week's work to create one photograph. Not difficult enough, apparently. He challenges me, "Are you going to be more ambitious next time and go for ten nights?"

"C'mere honey, look at that one. If we had space to hang something..." he suggests to her. She interjects, "You could put it in the dog kennel!" Hey, whatever you want lady. I've got dogs to feed, too.

"I used to be a hunter but now I hunt with a camera, basically," the big guy tells me. "I'm moving to Montana and I can't wait. Gonna' get me some pictures." For some reason, now I feel nervous about wearing my cammo.

"Did you really take these?" he asks. Hmmm, which path do I lead this one down -- the boring truth or an interesting if not totally improvised story? "Yes," I confess regretfully, unable to come up with a new story on such short notice. He caught me off guard.

"I love that [Chief Mtn. Moonrise]. I could stare at it all day." Maybe, but she went home with a different image instead.

"That's gotta' be airbrushed, right?" he asks, trying to impress his friends with his intelligence. (Some magazines, not photographers, used to airbrush photos of models. But that became obsolete when Photoshop arrived 20 years ago.) "No," I tell him through slightly clenched teeth, "they're just photographs." He tries to save face, "Well, this is oil here, right?" "Yep, you caught me on that one." (No, not really. That's also a photograph.)

"Did you photograph that, or did you just imagine it?" He's pointing at "Eagle Talons." I look at the canvas print. It's five feet long. Almost two feet tall. Weighs a couple of pounds. I slowly look him over and think to myself, please, please tell me that you didn't operate a motor vehicle to get here.

Even the artist in the next booth over, behind a curtain, chortled when she overheard that one...

                       

"Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without loosing your temper or your self-confidence." (Robert Frost)

Show & Tell, Version 1.01

"Life is a long lesson in humility." (James M. Barrie)

Some days I have to wonder about my sanity. Especially those days when I find myself in my booth, acting like an artist, selling photographs at arts and crafts shows. Thousand of people funnel through every show. Perfect strangers walk into my 10' by 10' world and take turns tossing compliments and insults at me. A lot of the comments are both amusing and confusing at the same time.

On balance, it's amazing what an artist endures at these shows. But we do this for a living. Some days, we also do this for fun. And having experience with both species, I'm here to tell you that people are way less predictable than grizzly bears. Some people in my booth speak of the sublime, which I don't deserve, while others seem oblivious to their rudeness, which I also don't deserve. Trapped in a 10-foot square, my mood gets batted around between mountain tops and sewer drains.

Below is a small collection of quotes that were said or overheard in our booth in just one month, November, 2009. Try a little taste of what people feed us at art shows. If you find yourself alternately laughing and scratching your head in bewilderment, then welcome to "mi vida loco."

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"I'm one of those obnoxious people who likes to come look at things I can't afford."

"This is probably egotistical, but your talent is just amazing."

"Boy, you have a lot of luck with your camera." (Boy, just imagine if I had any skill, too.)

"I'm sorry my money's a mess. My mom says that's why my life's a mess."

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"It's an elk," says the wife, exasperated with her apparently unrefined husband. "You want to hang it next to the Kramer picture? Maybe I should beat you more."

"So whud'ya do, smear your lens with worms to get all those fish to come up?" (You know, for some reason I never thought of that.)

"It gives you hope that all things are possible."

"I'm glad I'm not a duck. I wouldn't be able to jump."

"I love it. I put it right by my bed. It makes me so happy to look at it."

"Look at the the ducks in the fence!" (Um, actually it's three images of the same tree, side-by-side. Sorta' thought that might be obvious.)

"What kind of crazy duck is that, a stupid duck?" I tell her, it's a Bufflehead. She replies, "A knucklehead?"

                    *****************************************************************

"Very nice" she says. "I'm impressed, and I don't say that very often." Her husband agrees, "No, she doesn't."

"Now, are these paintings or photographs?" They're all photographs, I say. "And then you paint them?" (Must. Not. Pull. Hair. Out. Must. Not. Pull...)

"I don't know what it is about your pictures, but they sure speak to me. We must march to the beat of the same nutty drummer." (And I thought I was the only one hearing those voices.)

"I rated your's the best work in the whole fair." (Blush slightly.)

"Did you see the guy over in aisle one? He's got some nice photos. You should go see." (Turn red slightly.)

                    *****************************************************************

"My dad tried to catch a baby moose, then the momma moose came out. My dad's an idiot."

"Oh, so that's a real place?" (Yes. I don't show my photos of imaginary places to just anyone, ya' know.)

"That's so beautiful, it almost brings tears to my eyes," she says while staring at canvas print of Avalanche Gorge. Her friend chimes in, "When I build a house, I'm gonna' have walls." (Excellent idea, very practical.)

(I often have to explain how I stay awake all night, taking photographs at five-minute intervals to create moonbow photographs. After hearing my explanation,)

"Do you do anything else with your life?"

"Okay, there's smoke coming out of my ears."

                    *****************************************************************

"Now I feel either very inspired or very envious. I'm not sure which way to go."


"Your work is very literate. You say what you mean very clearly."


"These paintings look so real!" (Yep. I'm very literate, you know.)

"You've got an eye, you've really got an eye." (I've really got two, but that's just between you and I.)

"I took a picture of a photograph once that caught my eye." (He pulls out his cell phone to show me his copy of someone's copyrighted photo. Thanks for stealing, I think to myself.)

                    *****************************************************************

(Looking at my photo of a Northern Harrier -- a hawk.) "That's probably the owl that got my cat." (She leaves, and the next customer says,) "Probably a Great-horned Owl got her cat. Good for the owl."



"Make that island a boat and you'd have so many men dreaming they were there," she says of one of my Wild Goose Island photos. "We have vivid imaginations."




"Up where we go fishin' we see two, three eagles at a time, but I've never seen five together before."



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"There's a little bit of humor in your things." (Life's a funny thing.)

"You know how many boxes of unframed art I have?" (as she paws through unframed art).

"All the 'ews.' That's all we can say, 'Ew, ah, ew, ah.' Hahaha!"

"Talk to John," mother says to her 8-year-old son as she walks away.

"Do you have any room on your walls?" she asks her girlfriend, but then answers for her. "No, of course not."

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"You don't see too many crows," he says as a compliment, while admiring my Raven photograph. I just smile and say, thank you.

"He is just so handsome!" (I overhear her say. I rush out from behind the booth, much to my disappointment. Oh, you mean the Raven.)

I go into a long explanation of the technique of light painting, and how I used it to create my First Light image. He ponders for a bit, and then speaks his eureka! moment, "I've got a headlamp. I should try that sometime."

"It captures a soul." (But I'll be happy to release it for a small ransom.)

"I love the peacefullness of the lamb because I need the peace in my life." (She walks away without the peace.)

"There's a sheep and lamb like we used to have. Can you smell them?" (Sorry. I probably shouldn't have eaten that burrito for lunch.)

"I'm sorry, but that photo is just precious." (I'm sorry, but I wish it was just irresistable instead.)

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"Your last name is 'Fine'?" (No, but our business name is John Ashley Fine Art Photography.)

"I'm a, well, looking at these photos I wouldn't call myself a photographer."

"You take all these yourself?" Yes mam. "You just sit there forever?" Yes mam.

"You're from Montana? Oh, of course. Where else could you do this?" My thoughts exactly...

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