Show & Tell, Version 1.01

"Life is a long lesson in humility." (James M. Barrie)

Some days I have to wonder about my sanity. Especially those days when I find myself in my booth, acting like an artist, selling photographs at arts and crafts shows. Thousand of people funnel through every show. Perfect strangers walk into my 10' by 10' world and take turns tossing compliments and insults at me. A lot of the comments are both amusing and confusing at the same time.

On balance, it's amazing what an artist endures at these shows. But we do this for a living. Some days, we also do this for fun. And having experience with both species, I'm here to tell you that people are way less predictable than grizzly bears. Some people in my booth speak of the sublime, which I don't deserve, while others seem oblivious to their rudeness, which I also don't deserve. Trapped in a 10-foot square, my mood gets batted around between mountain tops and sewer drains.

Below is a small collection of quotes that were said or overheard in our booth in just one month, November, 2009. Try a little taste of what people feed us at art shows. If you find yourself alternately laughing and scratching your head in bewilderment, then welcome to "mi vida loco."

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"I'm one of those obnoxious people who likes to come look at things I can't afford."

"This is probably egotistical, but your talent is just amazing."

"Boy, you have a lot of luck with your camera." (Boy, just imagine if I had any skill, too.)

"I'm sorry my money's a mess. My mom says that's why my life's a mess."

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"It's an elk," says the wife, exasperated with her apparently unrefined husband. "You want to hang it next to the Kramer picture? Maybe I should beat you more."

"So whud'ya do, smear your lens with worms to get all those fish to come up?" (You know, for some reason I never thought of that.)

"It gives you hope that all things are possible."

"I'm glad I'm not a duck. I wouldn't be able to jump."

"I love it. I put it right by my bed. It makes me so happy to look at it."

"Look at the the ducks in the fence!" (Um, actually it's three images of the same tree, side-by-side. Sorta' thought that might be obvious.)

"What kind of crazy duck is that, a stupid duck?" I tell her, it's a Bufflehead. She replies, "A knucklehead?"

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"Very nice" she says. "I'm impressed, and I don't say that very often." Her husband agrees, "No, she doesn't."

"Now, are these paintings or photographs?" They're all photographs, I say. "And then you paint them?" (Must. Not. Pull. Hair. Out. Must. Not. Pull...)

"I don't know what it is about your pictures, but they sure speak to me. We must march to the beat of the same nutty drummer." (And I thought I was the only one hearing those voices.)

"I rated your's the best work in the whole fair." (Blush slightly.)

"Did you see the guy over in aisle one? He's got some nice photos. You should go see." (Turn red slightly.)

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"My dad tried to catch a baby moose, then the momma moose came out. My dad's an idiot."

"Oh, so that's a real place?" (Yes. I don't show my photos of imaginary places to just anyone, ya' know.)

"That's so beautiful, it almost brings tears to my eyes," she says while staring at canvas print of Avalanche Gorge. Her friend chimes in, "When I build a house, I'm gonna' have walls." (Excellent idea, very practical.)

(I often have to explain how I stay awake all night, taking photographs at five-minute intervals to create moonbow photographs. After hearing my explanation,)

"Do you do anything else with your life?"

"Okay, there's smoke coming out of my ears."

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"Now I feel either very inspired or very envious. I'm not sure which way to go."


"Your work is very literate. You say what you mean very clearly."


"These paintings look so real!" (Yep. I'm very literate, you know.)

"You've got an eye, you've really got an eye." (I've really got two, but that's just between you and I.)

"I took a picture of a photograph once that caught my eye." (He pulls out his cell phone to show me his copy of someone's copyrighted photo. Thanks for stealing, I think to myself.)

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(Looking at my photo of a Northern Harrier -- a hawk.) "That's probably the owl that got my cat." (She leaves, and the next customer says,) "Probably a Great-horned Owl got her cat. Good for the owl."



"Make that island a boat and you'd have so many men dreaming they were there," she says of one of my Wild Goose Island photos. "We have vivid imaginations."




"Up where we go fishin' we see two, three eagles at a time, but I've never seen five together before."



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"There's a little bit of humor in your things." (Life's a funny thing.)

"You know how many boxes of unframed art I have?" (as she paws through unframed art).

"All the 'ews.' That's all we can say, 'Ew, ah, ew, ah.' Hahaha!"

"Talk to John," mother says to her 8-year-old son as she walks away.

"Do you have any room on your walls?" she asks her girlfriend, but then answers for her. "No, of course not."

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"You don't see too many crows," he says as a compliment, while admiring my Raven photograph. I just smile and say, thank you.

"He is just so handsome!" (I overhear her say. I rush out from behind the booth, much to my disappointment. Oh, you mean the Raven.)

I go into a long explanation of the technique of light painting, and how I used it to create my First Light image. He ponders for a bit, and then speaks his eureka! moment, "I've got a headlamp. I should try that sometime."

"It captures a soul." (But I'll be happy to release it for a small ransom.)

"I love the peacefullness of the lamb because I need the peace in my life." (She walks away without the peace.)

"There's a sheep and lamb like we used to have. Can you smell them?" (Sorry. I probably shouldn't have eaten that burrito for lunch.)

"I'm sorry, but that photo is just precious." (I'm sorry, but I wish it was just irresistable instead.)

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"Your last name is 'Fine'?" (No, but our business name is John Ashley Fine Art Photography.)

"I'm a, well, looking at these photos I wouldn't call myself a photographer."

"You take all these yourself?" Yes mam. "You just sit there forever?" Yes mam.

"You're from Montana? Oh, of course. Where else could you do this?" My thoughts exactly...

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